A little Rumpled

I don't need to mention that we haven't written for awhile. I also don't need to make a note that I have YET to finish the Christmas video I started... and it's February now (actually... it's almost March)!

I feel so behind.

I have a package to send to Elgin that I know will arrive late, because it's for my sister's birthday that was in December, and it has presents in it for my other sister and my dad, whose birthdays are this weekend.

I printed 200 copies of our news update for November and December, and I still haven't sent them to everyone... (what do I do about that?!)

I have about 15 Thank You's to write still; some of those are from Christmas! I also have to respond to several friendly letters.

I haven't scrubbed the floors of Stone House for over a month now.

I've only done one load of laundry in the past two weeks, and it's still in the dryer.

These last several months I've just felt like Sidney. Do you remember him from Phil Vischer's book? (He's the messy one in front of the blue door.) I feel like lately I have really lost my grip on things. [Everything at TECH is great. I'm keeping up... even if it means printing brochures until midnight, so that it is done.] I just see these other things that are NOT getting done, and I feel a bit, well, rumpled.

And I know that there are "Normans" looking at me... wondering why I don't have all my ducks in a row. The truth is, I can't figure out how they CAN have ducks in a single file. I suppose we just puzzle each other. I just wish I could be a Norman... about something. Maybe for a day. That way I would know that I am much happier being a Sidney who is just loved so much by God, than a Norman who needs to be disciplined for his pride. You know what would be REALLY cool? Is if I wouldn't even notice that I was a reflection of Sidney. It would be awesome if I kept a one-track mind---swerving AWAY from introversion and just staring right at Christ. THAT would be cool. I hope that soon I can grow out of this stage of thinking I'm the star of this movie where I really am just appearing for a split second as an extra. -- Francis Chan

That's probably all I have for tonight as I wait for these brochures to be printed. I'm so thankful for the ministry team I get to be on. It's really starting to feel like a family to me, and I'm so glad. Tomorrow Matt and I are staying until ten with a work crew from Kilgore Bible Church that's coming out to help us clean up renovation dust and the like. :) It should be a neat party.

God's Broken Clutch and His Money

It has been awhile since we've blogged! Please forgive that! I'm putting together a goofy video of family things at my mom's (I took some low-quality videos of the little girls acting goofy), so that will come soon. Meanwhile, I thought we could update you on the latest!

Did you know our clutch broke on the way to Illinois? It was the strangest thing! Here's the story:

I was driving, and Matt had requested that we pull off for gas. We still had over a quarter tank left, but I did as I was told. The gas was pretty pricey, so I suggested we go to the last exit where gas was cheaper. Matt disagreed, and again I listened. Good thing, too, because we got back on the road with a full tank of gas, and for some reason the engine sounded loud to me. I shut off the loud music, and I pulled the stick out of fifth, and when I went to put it back in, it wouldn't go! I panicked! I tried over and over, and the clutch went right to the floor. Matt had me pull over, (he directed with a very calm voice), and I put on the hazards.

Matt sat for a minute thinking, and then he said he'd push the car onto the grass, so I could get out safely. He put the car on the grass, then we switched seats. I stared at him (he's so smart, so I knew he'd come up with a brilliant plan.) It was about a minute or two of silence before I said, "I'll run back to the gas station if you want me to." (I was being very supportive, and I didn't want to stay alone at the car with all the expensive stuff in it.) He looked at the tripometer and said that it was too far. We sat in silence again. I was waiting for his brilliant plan, like, maybe he suddenly remembered how to fix the clutch cable, or something. We decided to pray, and Matt prayed for wisdom.

Next thing I know, he says, "We'll drive it."

Okay, at this point I'm thinking, "WHAT?! Wisdom means you get help!!!" But I just say, "Oh... okay!" (Because I'm really supportive, remember?)

Then he shuts the car off for the first time. Don't you need the clutch to start a car? I don't say that. I'm just quiet, because I'm assuming God gave Matt a lot of extra wisdom. Turns out He did!

Matt puts the car in first gear, turns the key, and as the car lurches forward, Matt gently presses on the gas. The car starts moving! Then Matt somehow puts the car into second gear without grinding the gears... then third, fourth, and finally fifth gear and we're safely back on the highway going full speed with a car full of fuel. My brother-in-love, Ben, looked for a Chrysler dealer near Little Rock (where we were approaching), so we could pull off and get some help. He gave us the phone number, and after talking to the mechanic at the dealership, we found out we don't have a clutch cable, but a hydrolics system. This meant that the problem could be complicated (aka expensive--- especially as we're preparing to pay for my surgery from early December). We kept praying as we approached Little Rock. Matt wanted to drive to Joliet, (600+ miles away), but I wanted it fixed right then and there, so I got directions to the shop.

We knew we were getting close, because we got onto 440, I think, which was part of the directions (and part of our original path to Illinois), but we missed our exit. I was SO mad. Matt refused to turn around. So, like a supportive and mature wife would do, I called my dad and cried, complaining about my husband. My dad, though, told me to call him after Matt and I had everything figured out, and he told me to be a grown up. (Not in those words, but he said Matt really needs my affirmation and support, and that I had to provide that for him.) So when I hung up with my loving father, I grabbed my pillow and pouted by the window, and I fell asleep. About an hour later, I woke up, took Matt's hand, and I told him that I loved him so much, and that I would be with him no matter what.

He thanked me. (And I think that was a "thank you" for taking a nap, too.)

Enough with the mushy stuff, though! We found ourselves following semis at a very safe distance so that we could avoid the north winds, and therefore we got awesome gas mileage. Each time we needed to refuel, we prayed that we would not need to stop at a stoplight or stop sign. Guess what? God provided that for us. He even cleared intersections that were packed right before we approached it, just so we could get through safely! There was no need to stop (meaning we didn't need to lurch-start the car) in front of any traffic the whole way to Joliet, Illinois from Little Rock, Arkansas!

One time when Matt was shifting and speeding up, and of course the gears were not grinding, he laughed and said, "This is NOT supposed to be this easy!!!" So when it was time to shift to fifth, the car SCREAMED at him with this horrible grinding, and then it quickly went into gear. I chuckled and told Matt that he shouldn't tell God that He shouldn't be blessing us! :)

Around that time I said, "Wow, Matt! Doesn't it feel like God is right here in the backseat, or something?" Right then we heard a loud bang next to the cello in the backseat. We both laughed. (We decided it was God saying, "I AM right here!")

We made it to Matt's parents' house in Joliet very safely AND encouraged that God is with us always. The car was fixed by Tuesday of that week, and God provided the money for it! None of the money that was spent on the car came from our bank account! That was an answer to prayer, remember, because we needed to pay several hospital bills over Christmas vacation, and we would have very little traveling money left if God had wanted the money to come from our account. (One thing that's cool about this, though, was that we had an incredible peace about using that money on the clutch, if God required it. We kept remembering that everything is His anyway.)

We are SO thankful for the willingness to help that many of our friends and family had, and we are grateful for the help we received for fixing the car and for paying for my hospital bills.

Matt and I are pretty sure that we are now hospital-debt-free, which is very exciting. Please pray with us that we would continue to use our resources wisely. It sure incurs a different way of life... the knowledge that our money really isn't ours. I mean... does God really need "that necklace"--- even though it IS only $4.00? Learning to handle situations like that is so exciting.

Oh... speaking of which, date nights are VERY important to us. Tuesday nights are our date nights now because we found a way to have a date for a dollar! We go to the dollar theatre on Tuesdays when the movies are only 50 cents each! Last date we saw "Cloudy, with a Chance of Meatballs." We talk through the movies, and laugh, because no one else is usually near us in the theater. Oh, but Matt's waiting for tonight's date! Better run! More later!

It is the eve before the new year, and we have not posted for a LONG time... so we thought we'd do a quick recap of some of the adventures we've had so far during our vacation. We arrived safely in Joliet on December 19th, even though our clutch went out in Arkansas! God took good care of us, and He gave Matt wisdom on how to drive the Neon well without having a clutch. He also provided us with green lights and yield signs, instead of stop signs, when we got off of the highway to make Matt's life easier. Having our faith stretched was a great way to start our trip!

We spent one night in Joliet, then went to Elgin to visit the Rugh family. We stayed one night in Elgin, then went back to Joliet for a few days. There was a snow day where Mom-n-Dad-Ackerman and Matt & I made this:

This is a picture Char took. I borrowed it because all of my snowman pictures need to get developed. I used my Canon 35 mm for our snowball fight pictures (where Dan, if you ask him, will say that I have the WORST aim ever) and snowman-building pictures. He has snow cheekbones and a knob nose of snow. He's got a very cute smile, too!

Because of schedules, we celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve morning... SO on the ACKERMANS' Christmas Eve (the day before the ACTUAL Christmas Eve), we watched The Nativity before we went to bed. Actually... the PARENTS went to bed, and we "kids" stayed up and talked for a little while, planning breakfast for the next day.

In the morning we woke up and began making breakfast for the parent Ackermans. We made scambled eggs with veggies and sausage in it and pancakes.

(The pancakes Chris was making)

(This is why I usually wear make-up.)

Then we went into Mom-n-Dad-Ackerman's bedroom to wake them up for Christmas. Dad-Ackerman was already in the shower, even though Mom-Ackerman told him to wait. (I guess we took to0 long making breakfast!) :)

After breakfast, we went into the kitchen and lit the advent candles. Once they were lit, Matt read the Christmas story from the Bible.

After reading, we shared presents and laughs with each other. One of the biggest surprises was a unicycle for Matt from Anji and Chris! More pic's of that later! Here are some of us that morning. I tried to weed through the pictures for you.

(Matt lighting the advent candles)
(No, Anji's not on fire... she's talking to Matt and the candles are close by.)

(The Christmas story being read)(The Ackerman siblings)

(Anji and Mom-Ackerman)

(Dad-Ackerman and Chris smiling with their Rambo Ribbons on their heads.)

(Pretty Christmas House)

(Pretty Christmas Tree)

(Dad-Ackerman and Matt)
(Lights at night)

After our Christmas morning, which was really Christmas Eve remember, we had an awesome Christmas Taco lunch.

In the afternoon, Matt and I drove to Elgin because we were going to play at the Christmas Eve service. We played "Still, Still, Still," Matt on guitar, Sarah and Jessica on Clarinet and me on the cello. The service started at 6PM, and at 6 my A string snapped. My brand new A string that I had put on my cello the night before. FORTUNATELY I had my bad one in my purse, so I had to quickly replace it and tune the cello as closely to the right pitch as I could without other instruments to tune to. The song went well, and my cello was surprisingly more in tune than I'd expected.

The Ackerman family came out (minus Anji who had previous plans to be at a different candle light service), and we had dinner with them after the service. We said goodbye to them, and headed over the my sister Sarah's house to visit and play a couple games.

Here are some pictures taken at Sarah and Jeff's house on Christmas Eve.

(Molly and Sarah in front of their pretty tree --- note that I'm wearing Jeff's pajama pants because my pants were SOAKED from the deep snow.)

(Jeff with the notebook that started a very interesting game of... well... I don't know the name of it. It's like Pictionary and telephone mixed together.)
(Matt and Jeff. Do you see the presents on the floor? "Santa" -- Daddy-- came by with two bags filled with awesome things for us. We were sipping eggnog and opening these crazy gifts from them before our game. One thing Santa brought was a draft-blocker for the door. It was a Christmas village that you stick in front of the door, so the cold air doesn't come in. Creative, huh? We also got candy, coloring books, sparkling crayons and more! Matt's favorite was the box of GUMMY lifesavers.)

(Sarah is very surprised by what she found in her notebook while playing Pictionelephone.)

(They are so cute, huh?)

After having a fun time at their house, we headed over to Jessica and Ben's to sleep. We stayed up while the stockings were getting stuffed with toothbrushes, kazoos and other fun things, talking and laughing with Jessica and Ben until Ben turned in. I was looking forward to seeing how the girls would react Christmas morning, and I had so much fun taking photos of them opening their stockings and presents. Jessica made a big breakfast while the family watched White Christmas. Here are some photos from Christmas morning at my sister Jessica's house.

(Good morning, Audrey!)

(The girls are going through their stockings.)
(Mom's preoccupied... Perfect time to grab at that piece of candy in her bowl!)
(Dad and Audrey)
(Eloise's kazoo!)
(Evie bartering for a piece of candy. "I'll trade you this orange for your piece of candy!")
(Evie is so excited to see what her mom opens.)

(I think Evie just opened a gift from Eloise, and Mom is explaining the stamps to Evie.)
(Walkie Talkies from the night before!)
(Dad's turn to open a present.)

(Audrey's fun with ribbon)

(Eloise sporting her new guitar watch)
(... And her new guitar!--- or ukulele)


(Tuning Evie's ukulele)
(This room has experienced some Christmas fun!)

(Matt blowing up balloon rockets that he got in his stocking)

(A final note on an upside-down recorder.)

I know there were a lot of pictures there, but I wanted to share some of the fun that we had, and I probably only chose about 1/4 of the pictures I took. Those girls are fun to watch.

Christmas night we went over to my mom's house for the gift exchange and some great snacks. That'll be our next post, though!

Until then... Happy New Year!

A Few Photos from Thanksgiving in Elgin

Right now I'm on break, and I wanted to share some cute pictures that I happen to have with me at work. These aren't the best quality--- I'm not a great photographer--- but these kids are all top quality.


This is Evie on top, Eloise seated on the bottom, and Laurel standing on the trundle.


Here they are again.
This is prayer time with Katie and Paul. They are all sharing little stories and ideas, and after this shot was taken, they prayed together. We have Pigtail Olivia, Shiny-Cheeks Eloise, Puffed-Sleeves Evie, Good-Listener Laurel, Cozy-Clothes Jackson, Restfully-Relaxed Peyton, Cuddling Abigail, Hidden Katie, and Standing Paul.

These sweet people clockwise from the fireplace are my dad; my cousin, Sally, my sister, Katie, my sister, Jessica, Matt, my niece, Audrey, and my brother-in-love, Ben. Missing from the picture are Paul, Jeff, Sarah, and my mom. Oh... and all the kids in the other photos.


I miss my family!

Matt's Favorite Sweater

Did you know it SNOWED yesterday? Okay, okay... in Illinois we call it a light flurry, but Matt and I stood at the doorway and watched the silent film along with a couple of mesmerized neighbors. It was quite exciting for me, but I found out that we did NOT beat Elgin to the finish line of First Day of Snow. We tied for first! (Good work, Elgin!) :) Anyway, it's cold here. Cold-ish, at least. Sweaters are out, hats and gloves are encouraged, and the heat is cranked (which makes me cranky, but that's beside the point...).

This morning Matt was wearing his favorite gray and blue striped zip-up sweater with his plaid green and navy fleece pants when we got up for breakfast. He wears that sweater everywhere in the winter, and it's quite a compliment to me, because I personally LOVE sweaters, and I found him a few at the thrift store a year or two ago, and this one was a hit with him.

After we ate and came back to the bedroom, he said, "Molly! Look what I can do," and he unzipped his sweater from the bottom to show his bellybutton. At first I thought it might be broken, so I said, "Oh no!"

He said, "No, look!" And he unzipped the top to meet the other zipper. He played with it over and over, so that he could get different "looks" with each zip. "Why would they do that?" he asked.

"Why would they do that on a MEN'S sweater?" I added. Our eyes both got wide, and he whipped the sweater off and examined the tag. I tried to see what it said, but he just grinned.

He said, "It isn't big at all on me. Can you guess what size it is?"

I shrugged, but thinking it may be a women's sweater, I guessed, "Is it an extra-extra large?"

He grinned back at me. "Yeah! And it's from GAP! Well... maybe a guy who shops at GAP would want a sweater that can do that cool trick, so maybe it IS a men's sweater!"

We both doubt it. .

One cool thing about Matt is that he's so comfortable with who he is and what he likes, that he'll probably proudly wear that sweater for a long time to come. I really admire that about him.

Ha ha. Matt likes to wear women's clothes.

When God Likes Pain

Two blogs in one day?! I'll bet you're thinking, "She never blogs anymore, and now there are TWO blog entries in one day?!" Right? Well, as the new saying goes, "Blog posts are like Christmas cookies. You don't get to have them all that often, but when you do make 'em, you can' t eat just one..." Is that the new saying? No? Okay, well grab some Christmas cookies to munch on, because this is a long 'n'.

While I was resting, I realized how boring recovery can be... especially when you haven't had time to play the piano in a relatively long time (since I was at my in-laws' house last week). I did know that Matt would be annoyed if I wasn't resting while home, so with that in mind, I hobbled restfully over to the piano, and slowly sat down. Then I began to play a quiet tune that would only inspire restfulness. But if you know me and my piano playing, it can't stay restful for the entire song. Soon I was painfully singing every song I ever wrote--- I say "painfully" in reference to the jab in my right side where my gallbladder was removed a couple days ago... not because the neighbors heard howling that I roughly described as singing.

A funny thing happened while pain was throbbing in my right side, just under my rib cage. Words to complete a recent song hit me suddenly! I grabbed the closest thing to me that I could legally write on, and I began sketching out how the song would go. I put it back into the flood of music that surrounds the lyrics at that time (it's a pretty busy piano part, and I'm imagining some crazy orchestration), and it worked. There were a couple times it sounded like I was singing while jumping over toys left out on the floor that I didn't see, but I think after some smoothing out and cleaning up it'll be done!

Then a strange recollection began to form as I was singing. I began imagining where I was when I wrote each song that have become my "canon" of Molly songs. Each song I wrote was birthed from a very painful part of my life. In fact, today I began playing one song that still hurts a little to play and sing out loud, one that I wrote the majority of the lamenting after our first, horrible miscarriage and finished after our second miscarriage a year after. The experience of those miscarriages taught both Matt and me several things about our Lord, and we wouldn't trade that understanding for anything, but I don't know if the pain fully goes away. I mean, there I was at the piano, singing a song I'd written nearly two years ago, bawling my eyes out.

And I knew God was right there. Listening.

Because I was being honest and open about how I felt.

But you know something cool that He's taught me? Everything that I encounter--- good, bad, beautiful, ugly--- all of it is given to me as an opportunity to use it to glorify God. So, as the Psalms of Lament all end with praises to the Father, so do my lamenting songs. But I didn't realize that they almost ALL do this! It really cracks me up. Whenever my mood is quite "Woe-is-me-ish," then I have a tendency now to turn it into praising God for who He is, and sometimes for what He's teaching me. But why is it that in life we always look FIRST at ourselves, when we are not even as big as a pea in His hand? Why do we automatically first look at ourselves?! It makes me crazy!

I know God heard me singing the honesty of my heart today, and I actually believe He cared. But I wonder how sick He gets of me dwelling on my misfortunes when I don't see any longer how great He is that I am awestruck--- or dumbfounded. Can you believe that I actually have a REAL phobia of losing a nearly healthy perspective of God (which really means a growing understanding of His might and sovereignty) that I wrote a song about it?

Okay... that's a tangent. (Where's Sammy Carani to say, "Mrs. Ackerman, is that a tangent?") What I REALLY wanted to say was how each song I wrote ended up being a song of praise of who God is. I think it's amazing that He uses pain, even small jabs, to create something beautiful, like a song. I think those moments are when God likes pain.

Update on Molly's Surgery

Just thought I'd let you in on this week's adventures with the Ackerman Duo. My surgery went well, I think. No news on the liver, which I'm assuming is good news. (For those who did not know, I had my gallbladder removed. I've been pretty sick for awhile, and it's finally out!!!)

I had an allergic reaction to Vicodin that was prescribed, but we didn't know that I was reacting until the next day. We didn't realize that the underwater-I-can't-breathe-anymore feeling mixed with the very itchy skin might be a negative reaction to the medication. I suppose that I've never been allergic to anything before, so we didn't recognize it.

So every 4 hours Matt would wake up and give me my 2 Vicodin and some fresh water in my liddy-cup, readjust my pillows, and kiss me goodnight again for the next four hours. Finally I told him that I couldn't sleep well, and that I was so uncomfortable (I also couldn't see straight), and I just wanted to get off the Vicodin, but he convinced me to take just one pill. So I took one, and he read somewhere that I was showing bad allergy symptoms, so he called the number on the prescription bag.

When he finally talked to someone (he left a message and never heard back), they called in a new prescription for me, but it made me too fuzzy, still, so I decided to stay off that stuff. I'm only taking Ibuprofen, and I took a Tylenol today, too. So... all that to say that I'm a wee bit sore, and I'm not able to do everything I wanna do, but we did have the TECH Women over today. Matt helped with every bit of it, including breakfast! He is such a trooper! Even when we're in the car he remembers to go slowly over (or even drive around) bumps in the road because they rattle my guts and stitches. HOWEVER, he forgets to not be funny, and he's made me pop a few stitches!!!! :)

All that to say I'm healing and very grateful for a clear mind and eyes that can focus on this screen. I hated the moment I went to write a note and I couldn't make sense of what my pen was doing on the paper... but now things are making a little more sense. (Maybe not to you, the reader, but at least a little sense to me, the writer!)

Matt worked yesterday and today, and I'm planning to be back on Monday. I'm looking forward to feeling all normal again! My bedroom smells like flowers from sympathetic bystanders, and the house smells like Christmas due to fabulous candle-burning! I should probably take a nap before my violin lesson. I'll try to write more soon! (Maybe you'll hear from Matt soon, too!)