A New Way to Trap a Lizard

Here is a story of which Matt and I will be reminding each other for years to come.  It's not as funny as WE think it is, but I thought I'd share it with you, so you might be able to giggle with us if we ever bring it up when you're around.

Matt was coming in from working on the lawn mower.  He opened the front door, and I saw a tiny thing, maybe the size of a big centipede, come RUSH through the door.  I thought it was a giant centipede and started screaming.  I yelled at Matt that HE let in a big... THING!  I kept screaming.

Matt yelled at me (which means his voice barely raised above normal), and he told me to help him move the couch to find the bug.

So being the mature adult that I am, I stopped screaming and moved the couch.  Oh wait, no... that's what I thought I SHOULD do.  I REALLY hopped up on the coffee table and screamed even louder as he moved the couch alone.

Matt said, "HELP ME!"  So, I tiptoed off the coffee table, moved the couch and inch.  He announced that the bug was a tiny lizard.  I screamed louder, and the lizard darted off.

It ran underneath a lounge-type chair by the fireplace.  Matt made me come down from the coffee table, upon which I stood once again, and I helped him move the chair.  The tiny lizard ran from his corner into a tiny, tiny hole next to the fireplace.   My screaming stopped, and we waited.  Matt told me to get a papertowel.  I don't remember if I did, or not, and he grabbed a plastic, red cup.  He sat there poking the tiny crack-like hole in the wall.  He told me to get the leaf blower from the downstairs shed.  I said no, but I went to get him my hair dryer.  ?  And a Q-Tip.   He gave me a dirty look because I wouldn't comply...  

So... Matt is sitting next to a hole with a really tough and annoyed expression, holding a metallic purple hair dryer and poking into the hole with a Q-Tip.  (Oh: he had a spray bottle, too... to "Spray the lizard out.")

 

Finally he said, "Go get the leaf blower!"  I said "NO!" from my perch on the dining room chair, and then he gave me a mean look and said, "Get the leaf blower, Molly!"  So I stomped out of the scary scene and got the leaf blower.  I gave it to him, then I stomped off to my room, to pout like a real trooper. 

 

(I'm really grown-up.  You know, screaming and pouting.)

 

So I'm laying on the bed listening to the hair dryer blowing, the spray bottle spraying, and the Q-Tip pushing into the hole.  Meanwhile, I'm envisioning the poor creature scared to death watching all this happen to him.  Then I imagine that the lizard actually found a little path through the wall and back outside.  He gets hugged by his family members as he relays the story of the Q-Tip and spray bottle. 

Suddenly all the noises stop.  I hear Matt stomp around the house, doing something in the kitchen.  I imagine that he's probably creating a trap, maybe of the mesh strainer and some tape, or something.  He's so creative with stuff like that, I figure he's got something really good planned to protect me.

 

Then he comes into the bedroom and plops on the bed.  He starts talking to me, but I'm still annoyed that he was so rude when I was scared, so I ignore him (very sweet, huh?).  He moves my shoulder and says, "Molly?"  I ignore him... maybe he'll go away.  

He does it three more times, and I ignore all three.  Then, he opens his hand wide and presses it on my back, and waits.  I think he's checking to see if I'm breathing, so I stop breathing.  (Come on, guys... I was injured because he wasn't sympathetic to my fear!) He shouts fearfully, "MOLLY!"  So finally I said, "Leave me alone."  He's a little ticked off, and says, "I never found the lizard." 

Pause. 

"You know that fake, nasty bouquet?" (His random comment is referring to a bouquet from the Island of Misfit Flowers that we have... I'm curious why he brought it up.)  "I put it in front of the hole.  Hopefully he'll go into it."  

 

Hopefully he'll go into it?!  The fake, nasty bouquet?  What?  Matt's "trap" was a bouquet?

 

I laughed SO, SO, SO loud and hard, I think he wasn't sure if he should be offended or amused.  He just listened to me laugh for a minute as I repeated "hopefully he'll go into that fake, nasty bouquet," and he slowly backed out of the bedroom. 

 

Matt wasn't as amused as I was.  He went back outside to get some work done, so I picked up a lizard we bought our nephew, and I set it on top of the fake, nasty bouquet.  When he saw me next, he said, "I think the bug poison around the house turned the lizard into Godzilla!"  (It's a big lizard.)

At least that amused him a little.

Lizards are abundant in East Texas.  Matt and I have seen many of them, even more lately!  They are very cute when they crawl on our plants.  They are also quite cute when they are peeking at us from their perch on the railing of the balcony!

But.

They are not cute when they run into the house.